Nicola (not her real name) is trying to help a friend who is a victim of domestic violence. The fact that she cannot use her real name in telling this story is already an indication of why women fear reporting abusive men to the police. Yes, there is real fear out there and this is just one reason why…

“A close friend of mine has been through an incident that just makes my blood boil.
She is 32, was married and is now separated, from a man who is an alcoholic and a wife beater. He is often seen with a different girl every few weeks and has fathered other children. I’ve had to report him for threatening me in the past because he does not like me being his wife’s friend. They are still in contact and he often invites himself over to her house for dinner. She is obviously afraid of him and puts up little resistance. They have two children together but he does not pay her any child support and for this reason (apart from filing police reports) she recently went to her parish priest to ask for assistance. Something that she did in the past and the priest willingly obliged.

Last week, her ex-husband beat her up again, and I hope for the last time, as on my never ending persistence, she finally plucked up the courage to report it. I’ve been through this before myself and know how scary it is at first. I won’t even begin on the state her kids are in when they witness the abuse.

When she turns up at the parish priest’s office two days later, the priest shocks her when he tells her that her ex-husband has already been around (her ex-husband is a very good talker and will sell ice to an Eskimo), that he knows of the police reports and that if she expects any help from the parish, she must first drop all reports against her husband! He gave her a lecture about how ‘Christians must forgive’ and that ‘she was breaking up the family’ type of nonsense. That sending him to prison is not the answer and that she should give him another chance.

This man, supposedly a ‘leader of the flock’, is blackmailing her to drop all charges against her ex in view of domestic violence and no child support, in return for some financial help with an electricity bill.
And here is the Domestic Violence Commission spending thousands of Euros on public awareness to encourage woman to stand up for themselves and stop the abuse!

I’m not sure why I’m writing this, but I just can’t sit back and keep it in. I feel betrayed, as a woman, by the people who should be helping women in circumstances like my friend finds herself in – not trying to send her back home for another beating in exchange for a meal. I’m seething inside. It has taken her years of abuse to get to the point of standing up to it, and instead of supporting her in her struggle for justice and security, this clown is trying to play her with a carrot-and-a-stick approach. It is just unacceptable.”

JOSANNE’S NOTE:

I am shocked by this story, as you probably are too…but being shocked is not enough. I think all women deserve some answers from the Curia. Is this type of approach (even if it is the behaviour of just one priest) acceptable to the Church? What is going to be done about it?