Thursday 28 March 2024

Sweet little lies

Her: "Did you get a message love?" Him: "Yes, it's from my wife. She said she's going to be late as she's out shopping with you."

Anne Mallia has something to say about infidelity

The pic shown on the left was recently posted on Facebook.  The comments were mostly laughter and ‘good one’ , others implied it’s the sign of the times but one in particular stood out. It said “so what’s the point of staying with your partner if you want to fool around with someone else? Why not just stay single? This pic is funny but also sad at the same time….”

This comment got me thinking….so why DO we stay with the person we’re with if we are constantly looking for others to amuse us?  Is it a result of boredom, feeling unappreciated, that we are being taken for granted or unloved?  Is it because we suspect our partner may be doing the same and so we need to pay them back for the hurt and pain they are causing or is it just the thrill of something different and exciting because it’s risky?  Whatever the reason, why not just finish the relationship one is in so as to enjoy numerous flings with others?

I think the answer to this is because, at the end of the day, nobody really wants to be alone. The comforts and benefits of a relationship keep the majority of people in them, but at the same time they fail to realise that when a relationship has reached a certain level of, it is far more important to keep the spark alive rather than to seek new pastures for a while and then go running safely home to the ‘stable’ at night.

And seeing how many millions of people all around the world don’t even think twice before jumping into bed for a quick fix seems to make it all the more ‘acceptable’ that this is normal every day behaviour by supposedly mature respectful adults, many of whom are in committed relationships, sometimes with children and other ties that would make them think twice about leaving their partner because of all the hassle and stress involved in doing so.

I once asked a friend of mine why he did it (he could have easily been a female friend) and was told “I’m not doing her any harm as long as she doesn’t find out and I am very generous and attentive in other areas of our relationship.”  I then asked him how he would feel if he found out she was doing the same to him and the reply was “It would devastate me, but I know she wouldn’t do it because she’s not like that.”  Oh I see, but she went into this relationship with you knowing that you do and that’s OK?

I think this is the main issue here.  If one had to put him/herself in their partner’s shoes I hardly think they would like the feeling it gave them, knowing that the one person who should be faithful thinks nothing of cheating on them, as long as they don’t find out.

What kind of relationship is that?

Of course, there are a variety of reasons why one would cheat on a partner, such as their indifference or, on the opposite side of the scale, their controlling behaviour. After all, you are bound to feel more powerful, knowing that this is the one thing that he/she has no control over.  My question here would be why not use your energy in trying to understand why the relationship is waning, by communicating with your partner, rather than running off with the first consenting individual you find, who might also be going through the exact same situation?

Of course, it would hardly ever enter the offending partner’s mind to take a decision either way to work on the relationship or split up entirely, as that would involve too much effort and push one out of the ‘comfort zone’ when it’s so easy to just find someone like-minded to help in the escape from reality.

It’s easy for one to say that they love their partner, but isn’t that supposed to be tied in with respect and faithfulness as well?  I believe that where there’s no respect there can’t be real love…it becomes a free-for-all game where all boundaries are crossed and lies and secrets become normal every day behaviour in order to hide the meaningless flings which many believe are ‘needed’ in order to keep their lives exciting and cool.

So the next time you may be tempted to cross the line between loyalty and lust, think again. Just imagine the same is being done to you while you go about your day thinking that you are in your safe little world where your partner would never do that to you.

Not a very nice thought now, is it?

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