This column first appeared in Malta Today

In the US there is a radio presenter Howard Stern who became famous in the 80s for being outrageous, vulgar and sexist towards women when they came on his show. The more they tried to shut him up, the more popular he became. He practically created the concept of the “shock jock”; the “guy’s guy” who talks dirty locker room talk on the radio…and men loved it.

Ironically, now that he is much older (and since 2005, on satellite radio where he can say what he likes) he is less outrageous and admits that he used to go too far deliberately and did it all for the fame. He had a single-minded purpose to beat all his competitors on radio and knew that shocking listeners always works. Just to quote one example, when the (now deceased) Anna Nicole Smith came on his show, she was heavily overweight, and he demanded that she get on the scales and weigh herself on air. When she refused, he kept needling her – “what are you 300 pounds?” He kept insisted, she kept refusing as she became more and more upset, ashamed and humiliated. He on the other hand seemed oblivious to her discomfort.

When he interviewed Lisa Marie Presley, he asked her, “You wearing panties? What do you wear, a thong?” In other interviews with famous female celebrities at the time he would comment openly about their bodies and “what he would do to them”. He was constantly being fined and censured by the FCC (the equivalent of our own Broadcasting Authority) which just fuelled him to become even more provocative.

Today, at the age of 70, Howard Stern is a changed man. He does proper research for his interviews, asks searching questions and actually listens to people. There have been some very meaningful conversations with everyone from Hilary Clinton to Paul McCartney. So what changed? He credits his transformation to the fact that after his divorce, he realised his personal life was in crisis,“I was very angry, childish, and a self-absorbed narcissist. I had to learn how to be a man.” He began going to psychotherapy, even up to four times a week and candidly admits to living with the guilt of how he treated some of his guests. Interviewed a few years ago about his past radio show he frankly says that his approach back then was “pure Id, I wanted to let it all out and blow everyone out of the water.” Nows he says that being listened to in therapy has helped him to really learn to listen to others….In fact, I would say he is better, funnier and more charismatic than ever. (He’s also very well-read and smart, two qualities which used to be buried beneath that shock jock persona).

This long introduction is leading to something relevant to Malta, I promise.

Because, here we are, over 40 years later, and two guys have decided to do something which is certainly new and shocking for Malta, but which has actually already been done before. The podcast “Bajd u bejkin” (with its deliberate double entendre) to me seems like Howard Stern revisited. Granted, very few formats in entertainment are entirely original and it’s very likely that they probably have never even heard of Stern….but the fact remains that what they are doing is not all that new.

Two men behind microphones in a studio who amuse each other by using coarse language which is heard all over the island at any given time, but rarely on air. Obviously, and predictably, their podcasts have gone viral as people share them on social media (or privately) asking each other with gasps of shock, “did you see this?”

I have been mulling over whether to write about this podcast for a while, because a part of me thinks, whatever, to each his own. Apparently some find it hilarious, but personally after a couple of episodes I just found it puerile and stupid, so I switched off. However there was still something niggling at me …and it was only after I watched another podcast called “The She Word” which tackled the topic head on, and found myself agreeing with everything they said, that I realised what was disturbing me so much. The salient point the panel made is, yes, we can choose not to watch it ourselves but what about the pervasive sexist messages which this show is spreading?

In a nutshell, by normalising vulgar and derogatory comments about women – even making it seem cool and trendy – we are heading towards a slippery slope. It doesn’t make it any better by disguising it as something which is supposed to be “funny” with that smirk, smirk, wink, wink schoolboy behaviour. Ultimately, it remains a joke at the expense of the woman present, who is just supposed to sit there and take it. Female listeners are told to simply “laugh it off” and if we don’t, we risk being called frigid or a prude (a ploy used by men ever since I can remember). What this podcast is tacitly doing is giving permission for all men to talk that way to women…not that some need any encouragement. We can already see this all over social media, with guys thinking it’s OK to post a lewd comment under the photo of a perfect stranger.

“The She Word” panel made the very valid argument that even the fact that they were hesitant to debate this issue shows how much we are being conditioned to just accept the status quo. After all, men have always passed comments about women’s bodies, made suggestive remarks and told sexist jokes. It’s a tale as old as time, right? But that’s just it: are we basically saying that it’s like the feminist movement never happened? When it comes to showing respect towards women as equals (rather than ditzy bimbos), and the right for women not to be sexually objectified, we seem to be going backwards. How can a young girl or woman stand up for herself and refuse to allow a man to speak to her in a certain way, if we are seeing it played out as a “joke” in which the woman always seems to be the target who has to grin and bear it?

There is also a huge difference between broadcast media of the past (which one seeks out and choses to watch/listen to) and today’s social media which pervades our senses and our space, even if we do not invite certain content in, because it seems to infiltrate everywhere. The ease and speed with which content can be shared is another significant factor which makes today’s attitudes towards women all that more crucial.

Then there’s the other side of the coin…because clearly there are women going on the “Bajd u Bejkin” podcast who have no problem with the tone of the programme. Some women enjoy it, are very comfortable with their own sexuality and body image, can laugh at the jokes and love the attention. But again we have to be careful here: if a woman flaunts herself is that an unspoken message that she is “gagging” for it…so that it becomes a free of all and certain comments about her body become permissible (even after she is not in the studio)? It’s one thing if the sexual banter is a two way street, but it’s another if it is always the woman who is metaphorically dragged down and humiliated.

Time will pass and like Howard Stern, maybe one day the guys presenting this podcast will reflect on their content, although I often find that society is more forgiving of men, “boys will be boys” and all that. Women on the other hand, grow up, and realise that their past wild behaviour will often come back to haunt them when they become mothers. Pamela Anderson said as much in her documentary, pointing out how in her crazy youth it did not even occur to her that one day she would have sons who would grow up to be men and see all her nude videos and photo shoots.

More recently, Christina Aguilera and Drew Barrymore also spoke about things they did when they were young, such as posing for Playboy and wearing sexy, revealing outfits in music videos and how they are now navigating certain conversations with their own daughters. Let’s face it, it’s pretty hard to prevent your teenager from wearing a crop top if you used to let it all hang out back in your day.

It’s telling that one of the things which forced Stern to re-examine his life is that he has three daughters – he says that after his divorce he realised that without his wife present “to balance things out” how could he be a good father to his girls? Maybe this is something for all men who feel it’s OK to degrade women with vulgar jokes to think about…what would be their reaction if another man had to speak in this way to their daughters?