This article first appeared in the Sunday edition of Malta Today 

From all accounts, this festa season has been a blast. Literally.

I don’t know if people have become especially finicky or whether the volume, frequency and duration of the infamous ‘bombs’ (petards) has been worse than usual – but what is clear from my newsfeed is that for many, the infernal noise is now completely out of control. As the festa culture continues to grow in popularity (completely disproving all of social anthropologist Jeremy Bossavain’s predictions that enthusiasm for the feasts dedicated to patron saints would eventually wane) it seems that the race is on for making everything bigger, better, and above all, much, much louder.

The letting off of these petards seems to be starting earlier each year, and lasting longer too, as each town and village appears to have decided to embark on a competition on who can come up with the most big bangs. Because of the proximity between each locality, the result is a kind of domino-effect, where as one festa winds down, another three get underway.

Now if those who see nothing wrong with the petards were able to enjoy them in some kind of double-glazed, sound-proofed dome where they can listen to them to their heart’s content that would be just peachy. But, of course, their noise intrudes everywhere whether you like it or not. It not only shatters the peace which one normally expects and yearns for in one’s own home, but it scares children and animals witless and God knows what it must be doing to the poor jangled nerves of those who are ill or elderly.

I love Malta’s beautiful, creative, colourful fireworks, but please can anyone explain to me the point of the useless boom, boom, boom of the petards going off at random moments (especially at the crack of dawn or in the middle of the night) which are enough to make you jump out of your skin or induce cardiac arrest if your have a feeble heart? I often wonder whether those who firmly claim that petards are a necessary part of the festa tradition simply have a fond, misty-eyed, nostalgia for WWII. Or maybe they’re trying to bring the life-sized statue of their beloved saint back to life with an almighty kaboom. Anyway, if someone could enlighten me as to the actual concept behind petards and why they seem to be so crucial to festas, I would appreciate it.

Meanwhile, the objection against the loud bangs is often interpreted to mean that we “hate” the weekly summer feasts on the island – au contraire. What we hate is the possibility of our eardrums being perforated, or having to live with a constant ringing sensation in our ears for several days just because Malta’s festa aficionados want to test their version of The Big Bang Theory. This, in case you missed, is the theory which tries to prove just how many bangs it will take before you eventually collapse in a complete meltdown brought on by the unbearable noise pollution, leaving you in one great massive slobbery puddle much like the Wicked Witch of the West.

At this point I would like to place a small wager that the comments underneath this article (by many who probably did not bother to read the whole thing) are the usual, very predictable reactions when people who rather like their peace and quiet complain about the excessive noise. At the Number One spot one finds the cliche “Live and let live” followed closely by “Get a Life”. Coming in at third place one finds “What a bunch of moaners”. All very breathtakingly profound observations of course, and as far as comebacks go, well, they can hardly be beat. Yet what are the Defenders of the Noise actually telling us? It seems to me that their message is: “who gives a crap about your eardrums or nerves or the fact you haven’t sleep properly in a week, we love our festas and you are not going to stop us.”

To which the only reasonable retort has to be, at what point does your right to enjoy your festa intrude on my right to well, basically, sleep? I think all this stems from the fact that we have become less and less conscious of the need to be respectful to those around us. As our island become more and more crowded, as more people find they can only afford to live in cramped quarters which are piled on top of each other, in a society where it seems that everyone is more “in your face” and as having ample space becomes more of a luxury, the idea that I need to adjust my behaviour because it may be impinging on other people’s quality of life is almost laughed at.

I remember a time when parents would admonish their children to keep their voices down at certain times of the day, as well as to turn down the volume of the TV and stereo in order not to disturb the neighbours. Does anyone even correct kids like this any more? I hardly ever hear it. Grown-ups and children alike clomp, clomp, clomp around their apartments in their heavy shoes even though they have neighbours directly below them. People move furniture screechingly along tiled floors causing a racket, voices are raised in argument or even just to have a conversation without any consideration for others. Music blares out from clubs with no time restrictions. Horns toot outside your door, brakes squeal in frequent near misses and the commotion made by delivery trucks are an every day occurrence.

Everywhere you go you are overwhelmed by an onslaught of noise – even restaurants seems to think that they need to have the (wrong) music playing too loudly all the time. So when, on top of all the “daily” noise, we have to contend with a re-enactment of the The Blitz every summer, it all becomes a bit too much.

But, just like the other various powerful lobbies on this island which seem to have the cojones of the politicians in their firm grip, those who delight in creating those big bangs know that they are basically, untouchable. When it comes down to it, this will always be yet another issue which is left to fester until another summer rolls around. By which time, of course, the election will be really looming and then no politician who dreams of being elected would dare breathe a word about silly things like regulating the time and frequency when petards can be let off.

As for any politician suggesting the bizarre idea that they should be abolished altogether…are you kidding me? Their career would definitely be extinguished… and not with a bang, but with a whimper.