This article first appeared in Sunday’s edition of Malta Today

For those not familiar with urban slang, the acronym YOLO stands for “you only live once”, a catchphrase which has been taken up as a kind of a mantra by many over the last few years.

The philosophy is simple: any time someone needs to justify why they are doing what they are doing, they just reply back with YOLO, sometimes complete with hashtag. Now, on the face of it, it is a pretty obvious thing to say and one can find little to argue about. Clearly, it’s true, we do only live once, and there is no disputing that. It is a version of that other, much-used, phrase carpe diem, which tells people to seize the day and the moment, and not worry too much about what comes next.

Close on the heels of YOLO comes a phrase I’ve been hearing more and more lately, especially in Maltese “jien rrid ngħix!” (I want to live). Again, fair enough, no one really wants to go around saying they want to die, but behind this phrase is the same underlying subtext of YOLO which keeps getting under my skin. It is the not quite verbalized, but still ever present, unspoken implication that because I want to live my life the way I want to …then screw everyone and everything else.

Now, while living in the moment is highly recommended for our state of wellbeing (there is nothing worse than those who are endlessly stuck mulling over the past, or those who are constantly yearning for something to happen in the future), the problem with YOLO and the “I just want to live” philosophies is that sometimes they take the feelings and wellbeing of others completely out of the equation. Unless you are completely on your own with no one depending on you and no one you care for in your life (which means that you are, basically, a robot), then the YOLO frame of mind may be great for you – but not so great for those who have to live with you and put up with your erratic and impulsive behaviour and actions.

Let us take those who frivolously overspend and live beyond their means, not caring a toss about what tomorrow will bring because whatever they want, dammit, they want it NOW. That’s the kind of attitude which you can just about get away with while you are footloose and fancy free, but once commitment and responsibilities kick in, that’s a different story. It’s all very well to splurge on a vacation you cannot afford when you’re single, and then having to live on bread and butter for the next three months because you cannot afford proper groceries – but it’s a whole other issue when you are part of a couple and/or there are children involved.

Not just here, but globally, there seems to be this phenomenon of simply refusing to think of consequences, but purely of the desire, nay, the DEMAND, for instant gratification. It’s like a toddler stamping his feet because he wants THAT toy and will scream bloody murder in the middle of a department store until they get it. The adult equivalent are those people who close their eyes and hand over their credit cards, shutting away any thoughts of having to pay any of it back, as they fall deeper and deeper into debt. The downright cheeky types are those who, after completely mismanaging their own finances because they have spent everything on a whim, are always grovelling and begging for money from soft-hearted relatives who inevitably cave in. But excuse me, if you are going to fritter away your income, why should others pay for your lifestyle? What ever happened to saving up enough to pay for what you want, or (gasp!) doing without it until you can afford it?

But, no way Jose’ – YOLO, irrid nghix!

It’s not just money though. It’s also an entire attitude towards expecting others to mop up the messes that they themselves create. We have all made momentous decisions in our lives, taken one path rather than another, and most people have been man and woman enough to take the consequences of their actions on the chin and just get on with it. As the old saying goes, “you make your bed, you lie in it”. These days though, the mentality seems to be, “I make my bed and expect everyone else to lie in it no matter how unkempt, uncomfortable or downright unpleasant that bed may be”. What really makes me grit my teeth, however, is the insufferable self-pity: people taking decisions about their lives which result in the inevitable fall-out and chaos, and then wailing and wringing their hands loudly asking anyone within ear shot “but why do these things always happen to ME?” For all the world as if someone had dragged them by the hair and forced them to make a particular choice, rather than admitting that, OK, mea culpa.

The inherent selfishness which lies in the YOLO and “I want to live” mindset can be seen in the way everything seems to be dispensable, from cash and material objects which we tire of almost as soon as we purchase them, to the easy disposability of relationships. Human beings are complex, difficult to predict and are constantly changing, which is why maintaining a close relationship with anyone over a long period of time has become more and more challenging. Throw the YOLO philosophy into the mix, and we have suddenly become too impatient to slow down and wait while someone is going through a bad patch and needs our support, or is simply having a bad day. Simply accepting that the person we are with is the way he/she is and we cannot change them is out of the question. “I don’t have time for this, I’m done!” we decide, erasing years of our lives with that person, with the stroke of a pen. It is no wonder we cannot tolerate strangers when we barely tolerate the ups and downs of those closest to us. There is no willingness to take a deep breath, remember the good times and just let the negative things go; instead we convince ourselves that we are better off without them. Hey, you only live once!

Teenage girls want babies because they want “someone to love them” and then plop them into Nanna’s lap ‘coz, hey, it’s Saturday night and I’m going out! We cannot accept the fact that some areas are out of bounds for babies and toddlers because we want to go to that concert and what do you mean I cannot take my kid with me in his pram? I’m not going to miss out, “irrid nghix!”

It’s a world where adults are behaving with the same temperament as spoiled little brats, and it’s no wonder so many children and teenagers are uncontrollable, because those who are supposed to be guiding them through example, have themselves lost the ability to exercise some restraint. It makes me wonder, what is going to happen when everyone who is so busy living for the moment as they ride this mad merry-go-round of self-indulgence finally hit a wall, and they all come crashing down to reality?

If everyone is living for themselves, who will be left to clean up the mess?