This column first appeared in Malta Today

Since the report came out about our low fertility rate, I have read a number of theories by various people to try and explain why many couples are opting to have one or maybe two children the most. Having three children these days is considered a ‘big’ family.

To put you in the picture, Malta has the lowest fertility rate in Europe at 1.06, according to Eurostat. At current levels, it was claimed that the country’s Maltese population could shrink by half within 50 years. Cue the (understandable) panic and finger-pointing.

A recent NCPE study found that one of the main barriers for families is the difficulty of balancing work and home life. The study shows that both women and men would like to have more children, but many are unhappy with the short length and low pay of current family leave policies. PN Leader Alex Borg has called for parental leave to be extended to one year, to encourage people to have more children. He also urged Finance Minister Clyde Caruana to include a tax band for parents with two or more children in the upcoming Budget, something which Minister Caruana claims he had already advocated for in February.

Earlier this year, economist Stephanie Fabri cited economic uncertainty, high youth unemployment, and the rising cost of living as the reasons which discourage young couples from having children. Writing on FB psychotherapist Matthew Bartolo pointed to other factors such as the need for more affordable housing, family friendly workplaces and more support for those who face infertility.

All of these are undeniably valid points, however I spoke to a few young couples and they brought up an issue which I have not yet seen mentioned: the scholastic calendar in Malta. Now please teachers, keep an open mind, because this is not directed at you but at the educational system and structure currently in place.

A cursory look at the calendar of a typical church school shows that despite the scholastic year just having started, there are two days in October when teachers have Personal Development, so kids are off school. This is followed by the mid-term holidays (3 days), then parents’ day, then another PD day. December sees the start of Christmas holidays between 22nd December and back to school on 7th January. The list goes on throughout the year and I counted roughly 40 days in all…until we come round to summer holidays once again, starting on 25 June and lasting 3 whole months.

The crux of the matter here is that when children have no school, one of the parents has to take leave, unless they have obliging grandparents (which will eventually become a rarity since many of those who are now under 60 will all still be working). If you have two children it becomes a logistical nightmare. This, I was told, is the biggest drawback to having more children: more than financial considerations, more than longer parental leave, or getting tax breaks. Quite simply: how many parents have the kind of work flexibility to be at home with the children when they have no school? Let’s not forget that even summer schools do not cover the period in September before school starts.

Coincidentally, this very week I watched a discussion on a UK breakfast show on the very same topic. “I do think that the school calendar seems to be stuck in the 1950s. It’s designed for a world where woman stayed at home. These days most families have to be dual income, because even if parents want to stay at home, they can’t afford to, ” said one speaker.

And how long are summer holidays in the UK, I hear you ask? 13 weeks.

It’s all the rage

I wish I could buy a permanent billboard in a prominent area and, in the words of Taylor Swift, emblazon it with the words, “you need to calm down”.

Every single day there is an account of some violent assault or physical altercation (apart from the recent murders). Some of them make it to the news, others are caught on camera while countless other disputes are not even reported.

The general feel everywhere you go is that everyone is impatient, on edge and ready to bite your head off if you look at them twice. Don’t dare honk your horn or gesticulate at a driver who is driving recklessly, because he (it’s usually a he) is very likely to pull over, grab a crowbar from the boot of his car and smash your windscreen, or your face, whichever comes first.

Road rage these days has become so prevalent that it is almost treated like a Gladiator sport with people sharing the videos in a kind of morbid glee, “did you see how he punched him?” But even if it doesn’t end up in punch-up, there is a distinct cloud of perpetual annoyance and irritation which hangs over us, which is most exemplified by the fact that we lack common courtesy towards each other. This is something I have always noticed and often written about, but it seems to have taken a turn for the worse. Getting a “good morning” from a Maltese employee when you walk into a shop? Highly unlikely. As for staff getting a please and thank you from Maltese customers…again the chances are very remote. “Tini ftira” is not exactly a polite way of asking for what you want but more of a command. Conversely, when I do get a polite interaction (especially from a fellow Maltese) I am invariably uplifted for the whole day.

This fact was highlighted recently by Trudy Kerr in her podcast The She Word when she spoke about something which also gets my goat. You let a driver slip in front of you as they switch lanes, or when they are turning into a side road or when you let them merge into traffic and nothing …nada, no nod, no wave of acknowledgement or a mouthed ‘thanks’. In fact they studiously avoid looking at you to ensure that no eye contact is made because God forbid they might have to be grateful for you demonstrating basic driving etiquette.

I find the only ones who give you a courteous wave are pedestrians crossing the road – but perhaps that is simply because they are awash with relief that you are not kind of the driver who is using them as target practice: “thank you kind Sir for sparing me and allowing me to LIVE!”

Now I know there will be those who say we have turned into a nation of grumpy old farts because the country is overcrowded, we have no (genuinely green) open spaces where we can just breathe fresh air, and we are stressed and exhausted by being on a constant hamster wheel of work-traffic-home-traffic-chores- kids-homework-chores-sleep (and repeat). All of which is true. One of the most laidback countries I have ever visited is Australia where people are friendly and polite, something which I attributed to the sheer amount of land which prevents it from being densely populated. On the other hand, how does that explain why in a crowded Italian city such as Rome, bursting with locals and tourists, Italians still somehow manage to invariably be polite, courteous and charming?

It must be something in our DNA. Unfortunately, too many little kiddies are growing up in the same culture of rudeness and aggressiveness, which is then taken as the norm; no one will dissuade me from the belief that you learn manners, or lack of them, first and foremost from what you see and hear at home. If social media is anything to gauge our society by, the way we address each other is getting worse, and civilised, intelligent discourse is glaringly absent. Apparently it’s cool to be vulgar, and you might even get a TV show out of it, so with that kind of criteria to measure merit, I really cringe at what the next generation is going to be like.

It does not bode well.