Tuesday 23 January 2018

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Have we gone completely mad?

Has anyone ever heard of the term ‘jail bait’? Because when a 41-year-old man enters into a relationship with a 12-year-old (even writing this makes me ill), then that’s exactly what it is.

Today’s story in the Times makes my blood boil, but the online comments which I am reading are making me wonder whether we have all gone mad.  Apparently, some are reasoning that since the relationship was “consensual” (which is a contradiction in terms because consent requires both sides to be adults) and because these days some 12-year-olds look and act as if they were 18, then it suddenly makes this all OK.

No, it is never OK. She’s a child, he’s an adult.

I don’t care if she threw herself at him wearing little more than a smile and used every seduction tactic in the book, he should have had the decency to avoid her, and if possible, warn her parents about her risky behaviour. Any young girl who is acting provactively beyond her years needs help and counselling, and proper guidance.

What she does not need is a man who thinks it’s perfectly legitimate to carry on a sexual relationship with her. Does this really need to be spelled out?

Some people are pointing to the openly provocative photos of pre-pubescent girls on Facebook to bolster their arguments.  “Girls at 12 these days are no longer that naive” some are saying. I find this type of reasoning even more alarming and appalling than the actual story.  What are we saying here: that the increase in sexually aware under age girls is something we need to take in our stride? Should we just shrug and turn a blind eye because there’s nothing we can do?

There’s a lot we can do. At that age what these (often) misguided girls need is to be monitored closely by attentive parents or guardians who have to drum it into their heads that their hormones might be raging wildly but that they are simply not psychologically or emotionally ready for sex.  Yes, girls at that age have suddenly realised that their sexuality is a heady form of power and they are thrilled at any male attention. And it does not help that half-naked pop idols who bombard us with their grind and bump music videos are helping to encourage the early sexualisation of  girls even as young as six.

But that is why the role of adults is to keep a watchful eye out and ensure that young girls do not put themselves into vulnerable situations through their Facebook friends, the photos they post, the clothes they wear and the company they keep.  Adults should not be taking a laissez-faire attitude towards this issue.

And adults should  certainly not be so resigned to the inevitable that they are admitting defeat with the type of   “what can you do?”  comments I have seen online.  It’s high time that parents took control of their children again.

 

  • Diane Linwood

    Well said!!!!

  • a.b.

    I totally agree with your arguments…..I have children of a similar age and I cringe when I read these discussions. No matter how ‘worldly’ or ‘crafty’ or ‘provocative’ a 13 year old is…….she still remains a 13 year old who is not mature enough to take decisions about her life. This man was 41 years old…….for god’s sake, not only is he mature enough to know that it is totally illegal, he is also a teacher to many other young people….would you excuse him for doing this to your daughter ????? Her father is probably younger than this guy ! Come on……lets start becoming responsible for our actions…..and our children.

  • josette camileri

    I agree Josanne. I would like to add that the 41 year old certainly needs to see a psychiatrist… how can a mature adult feel sexual urges for a child no matter how provocative she is!!! This guy needs a few tranquillizers. Horse ones are ideal in this case…:-)

  • Audrey Friggieri

    It’s child abuse to me. The capacity to think rationally (to think at all!) is an essential quality that distinguishes adults from children, I believe. Therefore no matter what a child/minor does, an adult in his/her right mind should never react in such a way as to harm that child.

  • martin saliba

    hold on a sec , when was he found guilty ?

  • Jan-Wouter Stigter

    Instinctively I would agree with you 100% but one always have to be so careful to pass judgement on individual cases. Historically, there have been many similar cases which we now take for granted ‘because that was then’. Like the Prophet Mohammed, whose last wife was 6 years old when he married here (although the marriage was not consummated until she was 9 years old). The Prophet was 53 years old by then. We all love ‘Romeo and Juliet’ but they were 12-14 years old in Shakespeare’s story. And so on.

  • simone cini

    As usual my thoughts exactly !

  • MARIE BENOIT

    Does’t this remind you of Nabokov’s famous book Lolita in which a middle-aged professor becomes obsessed with 12-year-old Dolores Haze whom he calls Lolita? As in the book, is this a case of the corruption of a weak adult by a corrupt child and NOT the corruption of an innocent child by a cunning adult? We cannot say but let us not underestimate the fact that some girls have a corrupt nature even early on. Whether it is their DNA or the role models they have had I do not know. And these ‘little’ girls go on using and abusing their sexual powers when they are older. They are basically whores… I have no other words to describe them. They turn into adults with no morals and who think nothing of pinching other people’s partners, boyfriends, husbands etc…. in short they have no conscience of any kind. Have a look around you and see if you don’t spot a couple of them in your circle!

  • Joe

    I agree with Marie Benoit…. Things are more complex than what they seem at first glance. It is easy to say that he needs a psychiatrist but a psychiatrist will tell you that it is perfectly normal for a man of any age to feel sexually attracted to a girl who exhibits all the secondary sexual characteristics of a woman. For those who are not familiar with the term ‘secondary sexual characteristics’ it means the curvy hips, the breasts etc. What is not normal is for a man (or a woman) to feel sexual attraction towards a person who does not exhibit adult sexual characteristics. People went on about Berlusconi being a pervert because of what he did with that 17 year old. I asked a psychiatrist for his opinion and he definitely told me that what Berlusconi did was perfectly normal. Whether he was stupid or not is another matter.

    Our instincts only ‘see’ the ability of that girl to produce babies and nothing else. However adults must restrain themselves from having relationships with girls of such age because such relationships only lead to trouble.

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